Strength

StrengthIf you Google the word courage it says …

The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery.

Strength in the face of pain or grief.

What is adversity? one can describe it as the time when you feel totally incapable to control the situation or when you are in a scenario where you are just a mere spectator and the odds are going against you, what do you do when you find yourself in such situations? Some people panic and give up as they claim to see the writing on the wall, some refuse to give up and don’t stop trying until the end, and now the question arises, what is the end? Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don’t get what you want, you accept the realities, start over and move on. But then again there is a saying that if it’s not good, it’s not the end.

We get up in the morning, go to work, or go to our educational institutions to get education, bend our backs in both so at the end we get the reward for our efforts. We do all this to fulfill our present and future needs and those of our family members. We strive for a better future a better tomorrow in which we envision ourselves with our family, all our ends, the happy ends include our family in it. Why do we do this? Because they are just like a part of our own being, our strength in time of adversity, no matter how many people care for you no one gets concerned for you like your family.

I always get a strange uneasy feeling whenever I enter the atmosphere of a hospital. Yes it’s a place where people get healed, and where they get new hope for living but it’s also a place of sadness and grief. And when I am in that building I feel like I am surrounded with that collective aura of grief and pain which encapsulates that building. It’s a place where grown men cry like babies, where people hear the dreaded words that their loved ones are not with them anymore, where ones gets to see the real value of life.

Last month my dad had 3 heart attacks in the span of 3 weeks and was taken to hospital emergency two times (first time he has 2 straight) each visit resulting in a weeklong stay for him in the hospital. All the time I was with him, especially at nights (that’s where I also discovered how quickly I can complete a 700 page book > 3 nights). If you really want to watch humanity closely in its most raw form, spend a night at a hospital’s emergency (I really wish you don’t, never ever). As I was standing with my dad who was lying with oxygen mask on his face the front bed patient heartbeat line on the monitor went flat, doctors rushed in and gave the electric shock treatment (where they put two paddles on the chest = Defibrillation).There it was, at one moment a person living and breathing in front of my eyes and the next moment his lifeless body jumping in the air as doc’s shouted clear and gave him shocks. He was gone, his son clinging the mobile to his ears saying the words to the person at the other end, the words that he never imagined he would say …. “Abu g ki death hogai hai” (Dad has passed away). Ward boys rushed in and the body was out, it was all over in 5 minutes.

I should have been moved by all that, a feeling of fear and worry should have surrounded me, but I wasn’t feeling anything. Even when I brought my dad to the emergency and he was in extreme pain I wasn’t feeling anything, it was like I was in a hazy cloud where all my senses were blank and I was like a robot. And then right next in the ICU which only separated us by a glass wall another patient went in to serious condition, he was accompanied by many of his relatives (even though hospital staff repeatedly told them that so many people can’t stay but in Pakistan rules are often ignored). His grandchild was running here and there bringing the necessities and although a man in his 20’s crying like a baby, his older brothers were surrounding the bed caressing their grandfather’s legs and adjusting his pillows trying desperately to do something, anything to save him, their eyes full of tears faces showing helplessness lips moving in prayers. And then the women of the family came and the room was surrounded by silent sobs as they immediately started crying and the nurses had to forcefully evacuate the area.

My dad’s condition was stabilizing at that point but doc’s still had him under observation, he was also watching all this and I wanted him not to watch, he said “Beta yah sub tau zingdi ka hisa hai” (son it’s all part of life). This continued for almost 3 hours and we saw that family go through extreme agony. In the end doctors desperately tried to save his life but he didn’t make it. The scene could have made even the most stone hearted person melt and worried, but here I was still feeling nothing. Yes I was sorry for the family and their loss but what was bothering me was that I should have been moved by that, the whole night I saw patient after patient being brought in, their cries of agony, pain, the worrisome pleas of their relatives, the blood (one patient Angiography bled and he was all covered in blood), but my inside was like a stone.

The two weeks that I had to spend with my dad in the hospital (the only and biggest cardiac hospital of the city) he had his second Angiography (had his first in 98) and was told that he will be having the big Bypass operation (his Bypass is scheduled after tests at any date in the last two weeks of April) even though it was the most toughest time in my life as he was not out of danger (still in that phase) until his Bypass is not done I was not worried, and this made me uneasy inside. After going through all this I should have had gone through an emotional roller-coaster, I should have panicked a little, I should worry, I should get a sinking feeling. When my family members or any relative used to say to me in the hospital that stay strong it’s all gonna be alright, I almost used to get an angry feeling inside me, I wanted to say to them that you… you be strong, don’t say that to me, I am strong, you are panicking I am not and then I used to realize what the hell am I thinking, they are just providing their support to me and I am having these thoughts.

I have rarely used Facebook since last 6 months or so and the only posts during that period are prayer requests for people who were close and were sick, but when my own father had the heart problem I didn’t asked for prayers on Facebook or any other medium, why? I find this behavior of mine odd at times but that’s the way it is, since the moment the first time I took my father to the emergency I had this strong belief, this strong faith that he’s gonna be ok, no matter how big the problem comes, my dad is gonna be ok, my own faith is that strong and my love for my family is that much that God will listen to my prayers.

Today I gave shoulder to the coffin of my Bhabhi (my eldest first cousin’s wife) may she Rest in Peace, we lost her yesterday due to a brain hemorrhage because of high blood pressure, as we lowered her in to the grave her son who is 3 months younger than me collapsed in my arms, we had great difficulty stabilizing him and bringing him back to his senses. As we were getting him up from the ground we were assuring him that we are with him, he is not alone, but his strength was gone. What words can give him comfort. Only he and his family members can truly feel this pain and loss, no one can replace what they have lost.

And then I remembered my night in the emergency (which was like spending a night in hell). And I realized that when God gives you hard times he also gives the strength to endure those times, it’s a way the cycle works, we don’t realize it and blame Him that our prayers go unheard but if we pay a little attention we will notice that in every misfortune, each difficulty and despair there is a purpose, it teaches us something, gives us something. And when I was with my dad in the emergency and was perplexed that I felt nothing it was because my strength was right beside me lying with oxygen mask on his mouth, my stronghold was there with me and it didn’t mattered how much pain and agony surrounded me. And after that the reason me not wanting help or asking for prayers was my love for him that gave me the faith ensuring me that he will be healed, God was giving me that strength to go through this hard time. Tomorrow he will be admitted in the hospital for his Bypass operation and I know that he will be fine , he will be healed completely and will be back home.

Our parents are the biggest blessing to us. Sometimes even we ourselves don’t know how deep our love and faith goes for them but it’s all that we need at the end of the day no matter how tough the times become. May God bless everyone’s parents.

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36 comments

  1. Firstly I need to say You are a great person ! You defined power of strength, belief and courage really well. I believe If you have a strong imaan in ALLAH and QURAN, nothing goes wrong against you and only ALLAH gives us the strength to move forward.
    I have faced some real tragedies and can truly understand how it feels when you see your loved ones in a disturbing hospital room or when you carry loved ones to the hospital, the time is indescribable. I think, you are not a person who needs words but I wana give advice and that is Be as close to your dad and normal as you are. You may not need hopes as you have strength but express that strength, confidence that you hold to your father, it surely gives inner satisfaction to the person who is fighting.
    InSHALLAH he will be very fine soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dad is back home, came back yesterday after his quadruple bypass surgery and by the grace of God he is doing well, yes i was with him the whole time in these two months and still i am with him, thank you for your support and prayers, seeing ones parents well and healthy is a feeling which is difficult to describe in words, it the greatest joy one can ever have 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Akhiz you are a symbol of strength and courage…One needs lots of patience for this and also hope…I have seen this so i wont say much but anybody of our age can relate to it..Parents are very important.We forget that they are growing old and they need our shoulders to rely on.Let me tel you one thing mark my words your father will be as energetic as he was always after the operation..He will be cured completely..

    And then you will message me and say hey prachi you were right..Papa is doing completely great…Prayer is the most powerful thing in the world.It creates miracles…:)) Take care…!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks dear…I was waiting for your reply since a long time…M so glad he is doing fine..See i told you he will be absolutely fine…You please take care of him and your famly also yourself too…:-)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Exactly! When He gives you a problem, He also gives you strength and courage to face them, only we don’t realize that. He never burdens a sould beyond its capacity. 🙂
    May Allah heal your dad and grant him steady recovery soon. Keep your faith strong and hopes high, he will be fine soon. Aameen!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Akhiz, that’s the power of strength and strong belief!
    I literally had goosebumps and teary eyes while reading your post.. It’s so tragic to see your loved ones in pain.
    Allah is always with them who have faith in HIM!
    May Allah bless your father. Prayers for him to be healed very soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dad came back home yesterday after his surgery, Thank you Amara for your prayers and support, its because of prayers that he made it this far and is doing well, God Bless you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am very glad to hear this. You got me really worried Akhiz. This long , you never stayed absent from wp. I was wondering how I can know the news at your side. I still understand how stressful ,you’d have been.

        I wish your Dad good health and quick recovery. I hope he’s back in the swing of things very soon.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I sit here,trying to find words to say, to write. I think. But I fail. I try again but my eyes just tear up every time I try. I’m sorry I just can’t find the write words to say, Maybe because you have left me speechless. Maybe because I know you don’t need my reassurances,as you said so yourself, you right now have the courage like nobody else. I can’t imagine, not even remotely what you or people closest to you must be going through. But through these times of hardships I’m moved by your strength, your belief. Your realizations. I can never be half as that strong.

    You are one special human being Akhiz, Believe that. All I can do is remember your father in my prayers. I really really hope everything went perfectly fine.

    Zee ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Zee its because of prayers of people like you that his quadruple bypass surgery was successful and he came back home from hospital yesterday, its been the toughest time of my life these 3 months but God gives strength, He always takes you out whatever situation you are in and iv been thru so many difficult ones i cannot even count. Thank you so much for your love , support and prayers 🙂 ❤

      Like

  6. ….You wrote the tough moments in such a beautiful way I must appreciate your writing skills AKHIZ. Now, I do pray for you bhabhi may she rest in peace. I do really appreciate your courage at that time when you were facing such kind of hard moments.

    For few minutes I about to cry 😦

    Well, May uncle get healthy and happy life ever. God bless you dear

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen, Thank you Mubeena for your support and encouragement. God gives us tough times but He loves us and always takes us out of them, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. God Bless You too.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Nawan,

      Thank you for your generosity , i am honored, yes i was away but now im back but just waiting for a breather so i can blog, i have many things in store to share, Dad is doing fine and recovering well, i have blog awards piled up and was thinking of doing my comeback post on them so your timing is perfect…

      Take Care 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. May Allah bless your dad a healthy life. And you don’t get to spend a single night in hospital again. Ameen.
    To some extent I can relate to your words. My mum was a cancer patient years back, Masha Allah she is all set and has recovered now. But the thing is that, yes some of us(me) don’t get weak in these situations and maybe it’s the firm belief of never loosing the person we love to death or there is some other thing that gets into us at that time which makes us strong and tenacious. And surely STRENGTH is gifted by Allah to deal any kind of hardship.
    Take Care .
    😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A similar thing happened with me when my aunt was admitted through Emergency for her condition. Those were the worst days of our lives- not knowing what would happen at any second since her condition was so vulnerable. I didn’t feel numb, but I tried to numb my feelings by engaging myself in my books and laptop. I tried hard. I feel I should’ve prayed more rather than struggling to numb them out. But whenever i prayed, I would weep until my dupatta went damp. So, thankfully, she’s stable now and at home. But I need to figure my strengths out. Need to be able to let God give me strength and use it for good.
    I hope your father is in the best of health now? 🙂 May Allah grant him a long, healthy and happy life, Ameen,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. same here, everytime i was in emergency with dad i had a book with me and when he was sedated i was reading with the rush all around me, ppl used to stare that in all this chaos this guy is deep buried in this book, i finished 3 books in 5 instances of going to emergency, then at nights i used take my laptop and work on it all night, also watching over dad ( i just got 3,4 hr sleep during the day).

      Dad is doing very well by the grace of God and is recovering quickly. I hope that your aunt is doing better too 🙂

      prayer is a great helper, never underestimate its power its our stronghold in difficult times so continue praying, whenever my father went to hospital, in emergency or in surgery there was always a strong faith inside me that he will be back, that kept me strong cuz as it is written “faith can move mountains”

      You are strong, keep praying and God will increase your strength day by day. Prayers harvested with tears always bring fruit of joy. Hope you have a wonderful week ahead 🙂

      Like

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