All our lives we are in pursuit of something, as we grow older, and our feelings mature we see it all around us, depicted in movies, books, gossips. We observe real life examples and marvel at them. We promise ourselves that when we will grow older we will also have it and will bask blissfully in its soothing warmth. We draw sketches in our thoughts of how we will live with it and in our minds create a framework of how we will spend our life in it.
As we grow older we watch others having the time of their lives in it and we try to get it for ourselves, but soon we realize that it’s not an easy thing to get hold of, we hold back due to our fears but finally we muster up courage and in haste we misinterpret other things for it and then realize when the reality is handed to us that we were wrong, we begin saying that we are better off without it. But then suddenly out of nowhere it gets hold of us and finds us, and we feel like being born again, for the first time in our lives we feel complete, truly happy, satisfied. We accept it as we feel that it’s the one that was intended for us.
We stumble, get back up, become miserable, anxious, jubilant, and go through multitudes of feelings through it, it doesn’t matter to us in which formation it comes to us as we begin to feel that nothing else can replace what this has given us, and no one can ever have this for us what we are having now. We become careless, carefree; we become so satisfied and determined in it that we think that like the pyramids it’s eternal. We forget our realities and sail straight into it forgetting that every ocean has its storms. And then one day a storm hits, and we lose it. Like a bewildered rider who sits on the road after a motorcycle accident trying to figure out what just happened we sit there looking in all directions like fools wondering what went wrong.
Like that bitter reality that one only gets to know the true importance of anything after losing it we suddenly realize what it meant to us and what we are without it. It’s a new kind of loss to us, a feeling that is more complex than any physical injury we ever had, we bury ourselves into deep trenches of sadness, day and night a feeling of deep loss surrounds us, like an evil spirit searching for a perfect host insomnia possesses us.
When we don’t find answers we blame ourselves for everything that happened, we feel like we are never going to find it again, even if we do it’s not going to be the same what we had. We try to comfort ourselves with logic, bore our friends to death with endless talks trying to explain ourselves that what ever happened had a reason behind it, and we want people to sympathize with us. We get this strong urge to shout out our tale to everybody in the world and in this desperation we tell what we went through to people whom we were never that close, who should have never known what happened to us and who had no business knowing but we just want a shoulder an assurance that everything is going to be ok.
While trying to cover the dust with reasoning, and we become bitter, annoyed, laughter seems like an alien feeling. We vow never to go near it again, all things associated with it almost bring a nauseating feeling to us, and we shun everything related to it. If anyone asks us advice about it, we lash out towards them telling them their realities and showing them the real picture.
We become so accustomed to living like this that even if we come out of these feelings for a little moment we begin to miss our sad state and quickly go back in that state again, we wonder what has happened to us, how long will it all last. And then we bow down our head in prayer, we spill our heart in it asking for peace, and we ask questions, make promises in it, and then slowly we begin to see things clearly.
And after going through all of that our senses begin to get exhausted, we realize that the world goes on, no one can help us, only we hold the key to our own happiness. We ponder at everything what happened to us, we do self-catharsis, slowly try to see things using the right lens the way they were intended to be looked at, we do deep thinking before doing things, weighing all options we begin going with our brain and taming our heart putting it on a leash.
Finally we realize it that through deep adversity we get to know our true limits, the best of us comes out, stronger, we realize that whatever happened it made us a better person, it taught us to value relationships, treasure those who love us, cherish the time we spend with loved ones, that family and people who are close to us are the most important people in our lives. And we promise ourselves that if we get it back we will take care of it, cherish it, will not repeat our careless mistakes again, will give it all the attention it deserves, will make it feel like the most important thing in the world, it will get the best of us the best of our deepest and purist emotions, and we wait because we learn something from all what happened in the past, and it made us a better person.
After all, we are its prisoners, sentenced to Life.